[At that time] Peter came up and said to Jesus, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
- St. Matthew 18:21, 22
Jesus goes right to the heart of the question of how many times forgiveness should be given. His answer is like an arrow into the unbelieving, calculating, unforgiving heart. "Not seven times but seventy times seven." That’s the answer: give perfect forgiveness and multiply it without measure.
After all, that’s what we ask from God, isn't it? We who confess that we have sinned in “thought, word and deed…" We certainly don’t want limits on God's forgiveness, and so we’d better not place limits on the forgiveness required of us.
And then Jesus tells a parable about the king who forgave a servant’s huge debt, but that same servant refused to forgive a small debt owed to him by a fellow servant. When the king heard about it, he had that first servant thrown into jail until he paid off all the debt. And then Jesus makes His point: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."
They sound like harsh words – startling words – and if we were harboring a grudge against someone and withholding forgiveness from someone, these words of Jesus are words that would convict us.
But we need to understand. With those words Jesus isn’t intending to hurt us or make us feel badly about ourselves; actually, He intends to stop us in our tracks; to crush those hardened, unforgiving hearts of ours so that His forgiveness can come first to us, and then through us to our neighbour. Jesus wants to rescue us from a lack of forgiveness.
Why is that important? An unwillingness to forgive hurts most the person who refuses to forgive. We may well think that we’re hurting those who have hurt us, but we wind up only hurting ourselves. It’s rather like punching yourself in the nose because someone insulted you. “That'll teach them,” as we wince in self-inflicted pain. Unwillingness to forgive is a spiritual cancer that eats away at our bones, it demeans us, it robs us of vitality and joy, it drives us to say and do things that are beneath our dignity as God's children. It diminishes us, it makes us small.
Marriages are diminished when husband and wife don’t forgive each another on a daily basis. Families are diminished when parents and children don’t forgive each another. Our schools and workplaces and communities are diminished when we don’t forgive our neighbors and co-workers. Parishes are diminished when those who come together to receive the Lord Himself are, at the same time, at each other's throats, trying to get even for some perceived slight or injustice.
A lack of forgiveness is a hardening of the heart, a clog in the artery of faith. When we refuse to forgive, we put ourselves in opposition to God and we destroy our own desire to be forgiven. People who harbor grudges are not often found on their knees confessing their sins before God. People who try to settle the score for every wrong done to them rarely acknowledge the score God settled when He hung on a cross to pay the price for their sinfulness. Those who refuse to be reconciled with others ultimately refuse to be reconciled God.
We should remember this: Jesus forgave those who plotted to kill Him. He forgave the soldiers who spit on Him, He forgave those who slapped Him, who pulled at His beard and who whipped Him. He absolved those who crucified Him. "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do."
And He forgives us. It’s in the strength of His forgiveness that He sends us out as instruments of His forgiveness, conduits of His undeserved kindness to sinners, to let His forgiveness flow freely to others through us, just as we have been forgiven by God.
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Painting: "The Return of the Prodigal Son"
by Bartolome Esteban Murillo (1617-1682)